Nick Bilton, on the Times’ Bits Blog, arguing that old-fashioned courtesies like thank you notes and written salutations are passing away due to digital living, that this is the way it is, and we need to get on.
Some people are so rude. Really, who sends an e-mail or text message that just says “Thank you”? Who leaves a voice mail message when you don’t answer, rather than texting you? Who asks for a fact easily found on Google?
Don’t these people realize that they’re wasting your time?
Of course, some people might think me the rude one for not appreciating life’s little courtesies. But many social norms just don’t make sense to people drowning in digital communication.
I’ve never been very good with thank you cards (sorry), but writing is essentially phatic, it’s relational, and saying hello and establishing contact is a human (and humanizing) act—courtesy is not always an empty politeness. I insist to students all the time that they address me and others in their emails like we’re human beings and argue that our exchange is not just a transaction of information (however they may feel about it).
Alan Jacobs, in defense of notes (even hand-written notes to those who don’t text or email):
At stake, then, is the idea that efficiency is the great equalizer. It turns every problem into a waste-reduction scenario, but its logic has a time and a place. Social relations are fundamentally hierarchical, and the primary way we acknowledge importance is through effort. Sending laconic thank-you texts to family treats them no differently than business associates.
Some resistance required. What happens when our manners stop suggesting mystery?