In teaching and in parenthood I often lean upon an old zen dictum: “If you want to control a cow, let it graze.” I have been determined as a parent not to over-parent—and maybe because I’m an educator I have no need to be riding over every minute of my child’s time in order to satisfy my version of what is educational. Or maybe the real reason is that I’m an Aristotelian who believe that (as A. says) “All human beings are by nature stretched out toward a state of knowing.” Kids are always learning, and learning (by nature) things that I would only screw up or omit by being over-directive. So it was with great interest I read this Slate piece by Nicholas Day looking at just how singularly obsessive American parents are about “cognitive development” to the detriment of other qualities which are equally human, useful, and desirable.
Every society interprets its children in its own way: The Dutch, for example, liked to talk about long attention spans and “regularity,” or routine and rest. (In the Dutch mind, asking lots of questions is a negative attribute: It means the child is too dependent.) The Spanish talked about character and sociality, the Swedes about security and happiness. And the Americans talked a lot about intelligence. Intelligence is Americans’ answer. In various studies, American parents are always seen trying to make the most of every moment—to give their children a developmental boost. From deep inside the belly of American parenthood, this is so obvious it isn’t even an observation. It is only by looking at other societies that you can see just how anomalous such a focus is.
But on the other hand, only in America, where we raise our kids to need constant stimulation, could something like this come to be: